


Two Holmes' One House

by TooManyFandoms (Doctor_Sherlock_Laufyson)



Category: Elementary (TV), Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Again...This is Crack, Complete, Crack, F/M, Funny, Gen, John and Joan Have A Plan, M/M, More Chapters to Come, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Sherlock Vs Elementary, Sherlock and Sherlock - Freeform, Talk Of Past Drug Use, Talk of sex, total crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-28 19:24:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2744234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctor_Sherlock_Laufyson/pseuds/TooManyFandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock and Sherlock together in the same room...what could go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is pure crack! It makes no sense but I just wanted to write it. Enjoy! Rate: M for bad language, talk of drug use and sex references. I have had so much fun writing this! I just keep thinking about things my two favorite Sherlocks could get up to! 
> 
> It’s not Sherlock Vs Elementary its Sherlock AND Elementary.

Sherlock Holmes and Sherlock Holmes stood face-to-face in an abandoned house somewhere in the middle of London, England, United Kingdom, Europe, Northern Hemisphere, Earth, The Solar System, The Milky Way, The Universe…

Both knew London well and they knew where this house was, but neither could figure out what the hell they were doing in an abandoned house in the middle of London.

The spacious 4 bedroom, two bathroom semi-detached Edwardian house boasts a large reception room and kitchen. New on the market and a perfect family home in the countries capital. Close to transport links and schools. £449.998.53 ono.

Hang on! I thought this was supposed to be a story about Sherlock Holmes and Sherlock Holmes not and advent for a house. Although if I have £449.998.53 in the bank, I would consider purchasing this property. It’s everything one could want in a new home.

Okay, back to the important stuff now. You see, this had been all been a set up.

Months and months of planning between John Watson and Joan Watson had led to this singular event. The New York Police Department consultant and the New Scotland Yard consultant were in the same room. An event of this nature doesn’t happen every day, in fact, I can’t think of this happening ever, Sherlock Holmes and Sherlock Holmes in the same room!

John and Joan had gone back to Baker Street to see the events unfold from the cameras they had secretly hidden in the abandoned house.

Sherlock and Sherlock just stood there, looking at each other, clearly trying to deduce one another. All the information they could find out was that they were the same person, same name, and same job, just different location.

Yes, Sherlock and Sherlock were the same, the same story but so very different.

Who would speak first? Well, as it happened, it was Sherlock that broke the ice.

“What are we doing here?”

“I don’t know”

So that was a very exciting first exchange of words between Sherlock Holmes and Sherlock Holmes. This will go down in history; we will be teaching the next generation about this. They will make movies of this event and I know the two perfect actors to play the role of Sherlock Holmes and Sherlock Holmes. John and Joan must be on the edge of their seats! I know I am. What’s going to happen next?

Well, Sherlock had just had about had enough! He’d been in the house no more than five minutes with Sherlock and decided he didn’t want to be there anymore. So he did what any person would do: He went to one of the doors.

Surprise, surprise it was locked. John and Joan were not that stupid! They had not planned for months and months just to see Sherlock and Sherlock walk out of the door! They had also confiscated their lock picking equipment and their mobile phones. They were trapped! [Insert dramatic music here]

Why don’t they kick the door in, I hear you ask. Well, it was one of those big hefty doors that would break your ankle before it you could break it down.

John and Joan had planned this for months.  The exchange of emails and the odd phone call had led to the events that were happen in the empty house. Joan had informed Sherlock of a case in London that was the ‘crime of the century’. Basically she made up some shit that was guaranteed to interest him. John had pretty much done the same thing with Sherlock.

Joan and Sherlock went to the front door of the house and John and Sherlock went through the back. When both were in the same room, John and Joan closed the doors, locking the pair in. The last sound heard by Sherlock and Sherlock were the wicked laughs of John and Joan.

So anyway, Sherlock and Sherlock had spoken briefly and an attempt to escape had been made.

There was nothing that they could do now but speak to each other. Between them, they should be able to work something out. They were Sherlock Holmes and Sherlock Holmes, how hard could it be to break out of a house. But to be honest, how hard should it have been to lock Sherlock and Sherlock in an empty house?

“So, what do you think we should do now” Sherlock said.

“I guess we could figure out how to get out of here”

No Shit Sherlocks. That’s what anyone would have done! John and Joan must be laughing so much right now.

Anyway, back to Sherlock and Sherlock trying to figure out how to get out of a building that John and Joan had so easily trapped them in. They had ruled out using the doors and they had unfortunately found themselves in a room with only one window that had not been boarded up and that window would not accommodated their ample posteriors. There wasn’t much else in the room, just a table and bits of old wooden pallets, cardboard and general mess so you couldn’t really use anything in the room as means of escape. My goodness, Joan and John had really thought this through hadn’t they? Well, to be honest, one needs such an elaborate plan when trapping Sherlock Holmes’ in a room.

I'm sorry; I digress, back to Sherlock and Sherlock.

“John did this didn’t he?” Sherlock said to Sherlock (who was now lay on the table that was too small to spread out on and his legs were dangling precariously off of the end)

“I was under the impression that Joan had done this, it sounds like something she would do”

“Joan…? What…? Your Watson is a _girl_!”

“I know, I know it’s a little avant-garde but it works, you’d be surprised”

I must add at this point that John and Joan can’t really hear what’s going on. They had put a microphone in the room along with the cameras but it didn’t appear to be working. It was a bit disappointing but still, Sherlock and Sherlock were in the same room!

I really do have a problem with all of these digressions! Anyhow, back to the conversation.

“What must people think? Watson a girl! I bet they all think you're sleeping with her!”

“Well, no not really. When I need to have sex I get it in a more convenient form. It would be far too time consuming to peruse Joan”

I would like you to imagine Sherlock, in his long coat and scarf and that head of unruly hair. Oh, and those cheekbones, my god, those cheekbones… ahemm... sorry. Anyway, Sherlock was pulling the most comical of faces at Sherlock. It was a look of pure disgust and horror…oh the horror…THE HORROR… did he really just say the ‘S’ word?

“Sex, you’ve had sex!”

“Whoa, don’t be alarmed! It’s just sex, you should try it sometime. It does amazing things to the mind”

Ohh, Sherlock you just got burnt!

“Sex doesn’t alarm me. What makes you think that I've not had sex?”

“Come on, I'm Sherlock Holmes, I can see it in the little finger on your left hand”

Deductive abilities at their finest there people, Sherlock can tell your sexual history in your little finger!

“Sometimes my little fingers can be misleading”

“So you have had sex then?”

“For the sake of my own dignity I will not answer such nonsense”

Why is it every time people get together they talk about sex? Even Sherlock Holmes is fascinated by whether Sherlock Holmes is or isn’t having sex.

“It’s a bit messy though, all that fluid”

The face of horror was back on Sherlock’s face.


	2. Chapter 2

Without the microphones working, John and Joan could only guess at what they were talking about but the faces that Sherlock was pulling made for great entertainment.

“They must be talking about sex” John told Joan in a serious tone “Sherlock only pulls that face when people mention sex. I think he is quite alarmed by the notion”

Joan and John were almost on the floor laughing at this.

Okay, so back to the Sherlock and the face of horror.

“I would appreciate it if we could change the subject. We need to figure out what we are doing here and most importantly, we need to figure out how to get out”

Sherlock had a good point. All the talk of sex was entertaining but, there was still the issue of them both being locked in room together.

“I think it is obvious that out respective Watsons are behind this. I know Joan was very adamant that I took this case in London even though I didn’t want to come back here. She must have been in contact with your Watson.”

“My ‘Watson’ is called John and I think I would know if he was conspiring against me. He’s an open book”

“Maybe you should realise who clever our Watsons are. I mean I had no idea Joan was planning anything but as she was the one that locked me in the room I'm sure it is something to do with her, and John as he locked you in from the other door”

“I see your point. Why did John and Joan want to lock us in a room together? I don’t really know who you are…well…you are me, aren’t you? But you are not me…God this is confusing…”

Finally! Sherlock and Sherlock are having a sensible conversation. With the great mind of Sherlock Holmes doubled, it shouldn’t take them too long to figure out an escape plan…should it?

Sherlock was still lying on the table with his legs dangling off the end and Sherlock had found a reasonably clean piece of cardboard box to sit on. He didn’t want to ruin his coat by sitting on the dusty floor. They both remained quiet for a time, thinking through the situation.

“Do you think they are watching us?” Sherlock said and sat up on the table with his legs crossed.

“Hmm…most likely. Why would they want us to be in the same room if they didn’t want to see what would happen. It’s clear that they planned this so it’s reasonable to think that they are watching us. There must be cameras somewhere”

Sherlock stood up from the table and Sherlock got up from the floor.

“We’re going to have to think like Joan and John…I have no idea how to think like Joan…or John for that matter” Sherlock looked confused. He knew how to think like a murderer, he could read people like a book but he could not replicate what he had seen when it came to just an average person.

“Well, John just nags me all the time. He likes to do ‘normal’ mundane stuff like going to the pub and going to work. He tells me off all the time, he makes me eat and sleep…its so annoying, I'm not a child!”

“Joan is there to stop me doing drugs.”

Both Sherlock and Sherlock went quiet, both of them thinking about their own issues with drugs.

“But I got over that a while ago and I've been clean for over a year now and although I don’t like to admit it, Joan has helped and so has leaving London”

Sherlock and Sherlock remained sombre for a few more minutes. Clearly their issues with drugs were still causing pain.

“I think we need to see if there are any cameras in here. I think I have an idea to how we could get out of here” Sherlock said.

Sherlock looked up to the corners of the ceiling in the room. They were all dusty and full of old wall paper that was peeling off of the wall. There were also several holes in the wall. This house had great potential if someone was to do it up a bit (it’s the type of house that could Homes under the Hammer one day)

“I think…” Sherlock said “…that up there would be the best place to put a camera if I was going to put cameras in a room”

Sherlock dragged the table to the end one end of the room and put it against the wall. He got up and stood on it so he could look what was up there.

“Wait” Sherlock said to Sherlock who almost fell off the table

“What now” Sherlock was slightly annoyed at almost falling

“We need to find the cameras, but we can have John and Joan knowing that we have found them. If they know, my plan will be foiled and I have then run out of ideas on how to get out”

“Come on then, tell me your plan”

“My plan is to get John and Joan to let us out, I mean, I know that they will have to at some point but they will come for us sooner. We are going to do something that is so shocking that they will have no choice to intervene”

“I like the plan, just one thing though, how are we going to find the cameras, and your plan will not work unless you can be absolutely certain that there is at least one camera in here”

“I know that there are cameras in here”

“How do you know?”

“I deduced it”

“I know that, I know that there is going to be cameras in here but I don’t know where, I can’t see them anywhere”

“One of the fundamental things in my plan is that John and Joan cannot know that we know where they are. That means I can’t point them out to you. There are two of them by the way there is also a microphone but it had been installed incorrectly so it doesn’t work so we are able to talk. All you have to know is that I have found them and you are just going to have to trust me”

“Okay, okay. So what can we do that is so bad that they are going to have to intervene?”

Indeed. What could they do that is so shocking that John and Joan would have to come and get them. It would be quite funny to see Sherlock and Sherlock get into a scrap! But would John and Joan intervene? I don’t think so. I think they would be laughing at it. I don’t think Sherlock and Sherlock could do much damage to each other.

They could kiss. I think John and Joan would be shocked by that. Not because they are both male, no they would be shocked because they are Sherlock Holmes; one of them has sex every now and again and one who just doesn’t, or seldom, remember: little fingers can be misleading!

I don’t think I would come to their aid for something like that. I would want to sit with a shocked John and Joan and watch what would happen next! Ha! *wink*


	3. Chapter 3

“We need to do something shocking. That’s a good plan but what is going to shock them”

“We also need to know where they are so we can work out how long it’s going to take for them to get here. I think the most likely place that they are is back at Baker Street which is a 5 minuets walk from here so we need to be shocking for a few minutes and then they should come and get us. We should be out of here very soon”

Sherlock looked at Sherlock, he liked this plan so what is going to be shocking enough to get John and Joan to get them out?

“If you are anything like me, you will know how to fight”

“You think we should have a fight?”

“Yes, we can have a fake ‘fight’, I know some good moves, I mean we aren’t actually going to hurt each other, we just need to convince Joan and John that if they don’t come and get us then we might actually kill each other”

“Okay, that sounds fine to me”

Sherlock stood up and took off his long coat and his jacket…my goodness…Sherlock is taking his clothes off…well…only his coat and jacket…but just imagine if he unbuttoned that purple shirt…oh, my…the purple shirt…

I'm sorry, let’s get back to the action

So Sherlock took off his coat and jacket and placed them down on the table and rolled up his sleeves ready for the ‘fight’

Sherlock stood and took of his coat off. He was just wearing a simple short sleeved shirt underneath. You could see all the wonderful artwork on his muscly arms…oh goodness…the muscles…if only he would take off the shirt…muscles…

Whoa, I seriously have an issue with these men getting topless

Sherlock began to unbutton his short sleeved shirt

Wait? Have I died and gone to heaven? Sherlock is taking his shirt off…

“What are you doing” Sherlock said with surprise. There was nothing about going topless in the discussion

“Well I’d feel more comfortable, I would be able to more around better. We want this to look as convincing as we can don’t we?

“Of course, but I would rather you keep your shirt on for now”

Sherlock stood face to face with Sherlock, both men holding up their hands ready to fight. Both men started circling around each other; waiting for the other to strike first. This on paper was a good plan but one doesn’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out that this is a staged fight. Yes, both Sherlock and Sherlock were good fighters and both were brilliant actors but they both could use a lesson from the ‘London School of how to Fake a Fight’ because this was anything but convincing.

This was a bloody boring fight! I want to see some blood, some bruises, something. This whole circling around each other is more likely to have John and Joan laughing rather than them coming to their aid.

“This is useless” Sherlock said lowering his arms and walking away back to the cardboard on the floor picking up his coat and jacket on the way

“Okay, yes it was a shot in the dark. Even they would know that was staged”

When John and Joan have finished all this I really hope the video footage goes on YouTube I would laugh for hours. I'm still waiting for the footage of Sherlock rendition of Frozen… ‘Let it go let it go…’damn I've got that bloody song in my head now!

Sherlock and Sherlock were running out of ideas. It was getting late and cold. There was no heating or electricity. It was hard to decide just how long they had been in the house. It must have been a few hours by now. Were John and Joan ever going to come back for them?

Back over at Baker Street, the room is dark and the laptop monitoring the house that is holding Sherlock and Sherlock goes unwatched. Where the hell have John and Joan gone?

“I spy with my little eye, something beginning with…C”

What the fuck! They are playing ‘I Spy’

“Celling?”

“Nope”

Sherlock is lying down on the piece of cardboard on the floor. He has his coat tightly wrapped around himself in a bid to keep warm. The room was almost dark now and it was bloody freezing. Sherlock was also lain down on the table, curled up in the foetal position. He too had his coat wrapped around himself. After the fake fight fiasco they had both put on their cloths and went back to their respective seating. Sherlock was the one who had succumbed to boredom so much that a game of I spy was the only thing he could think of to keep himself occupied.

“Coat?”

“No”

“Cardboard?”

“Correct”

“It’s getting too dark to play this again and it’s too cold to think. I can’t get warm at all!” Sherlock said in frustration. He got up from the table and began to walk around the empty room trying, in vain, to get warm “Next time your bloody Watson wants to kidnap me, make sure it’s in summer!”

“Hang on, if I recall you said that it was your _girl_ Watson that did this not mine.”

“It doesn’t bloody matter which one it was. I'm cold, I'm tired and I just want to get the hell out of here!” Sherlock was getting quite angry now. I can’t blame him though; I wouldn’t like to be in a cold, dark room with no means of escape, even if I was in a room with Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock had taken off his coat now and was using it as a blanket. It was big enough for that. He had taken the decision to try to sleep. Clearly John and Joan were not going to be coming any time soon and sleep would pass the time.

“If you are tired, why don’t you just go to sleep for a while; it will pass the time?”

“I want to go to sleep, but it’s too damn cold! You have that big coat of yours to keep you warm, I just have my jacket. If I had known I was going to spend the night it a cold dark room I would have dressed more appropriately”

“If it is bothering you that much why don’t you join me here?”

“What!?”

“We can use my coat and our combined body heat to keep warm”

“I'm not sure about that” Sherlock looks pretty stunned by that idea but could not deny the logic. It not going to be anything gay it’s just a necessity.

“We can sleep until John and Joan come to get us. I have a feeling that we aren’t going to see then until the morning anyway”

“Fine, fine. Move over a bit then”

Sherlock shuffled to one side to make room for Sherlock. Sherlock lay back to back with Sherlock. They were lay close to one another so the coat could cover them both.

It was really dark outside now. There was a street light casting a dull beam of light through the small window and the muffled sounds of busy London could just about be heard.

Both Sherlock and Sherlock just lay there, neither one speaking. It wasn’t clear who fell asleep first.

It was the most beautiful sight: Sherlock and Sherlock all cute and shit fast asleep on a piece of scrap cardboard on a dusty floor. Finally something that some of you were waiting for. Sherlock and Sherlock were sleeping together. (I will leave the details to your imagination)

It was a couple of hours later that there was a soft click at the door. In walked John and Joan and they were greeted with something they were defiantly not expecting. Lay there on the floor in front of them were Sherlock Holmes and Sherlock Holmes spooning one another with Sherlock’s coat as a blanket. Both John and Joan had the same idea at the same time because they both took out there mobile phones from their pockets and took pictures of the scene.

What do they do now though? Wake them up? Let them sleep? They didn’t have to make that decision as at that moment Sherlock woke up, lifting his head from where it was comfortably tucked under Sherlocks chin.

“John!” Sherlock said with shock “Go away, I'm comfortable”

The talking had woken Sherlock

“Go away, I'm comfortable too” he said sleepily

“Leave the keys” Sherlock said last minute before snuggling back down to sleep with his arms wrapped around Sherlock.

John and Joan could do nothing but stare at Sherlock and Sherlock. Neither of them were cuddly people. John slowly placed the key on the floor close to the Sleeping Sherlocks and stepped away slowly. Both Joan and John left the room. Both were just confused. What the fuck was happening!

“They’ve been shagging” Sherlock mumbled

“I know” Sherlock said back.

I knew it! There had to be a reason why John and Joan had not been to rescue them sooner.

A few hours later both Sherlock and Sherlock woke up, put on their coats and using the key that John had left them, walked out of the old house and onto the busy streets of London.

“I hope the next time we meet we have a more comfortable bed” Sherlock said as they both walked back to their respective Baker Streets.

And that was it; the first historical meeting between Sherlock Holmes, NYPD Consultant and Sherlock Holmes NSY Consultant. An event like this might happen again. As Sherlock Holmes famously said ‘I hope the next time we meet we have a more comfortable bed’


	4. Chapter 4

*BEEP BEEP* Email Received:

To: John Watson (j.watson@londonmail.co.uk)

From Joan Watson (watsonj_@email.com)

Subject: WE NEED TO TALK

I'm Pregnant

Joan

“Shit!”

Shit indeed John, Shit indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> Complete! I did it! I completed my first fanfic!!!!
> 
> My sister has given me a great idea for a sequel 
> 
> Watch this space...


End file.
